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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

A Prayer From My Time in Swaziland

God you are so awesome! I am so sorry for not recognizing that more and acting accordingly! You have done so much for me! Thank you for always being there for me! For being faithful when I am faithless! Thank you for your word so we can learn who you are and how we should live! Consume me with a desire for you! A hunger for your word! There is SO much to learn and I WANT to learn it! I want to grow in my knowledge of you! I want to become more like you!
God I want your fullness, your presence! I selfishly want you to do something crazy awesome through me or in me! 
Thank you for these people God! Thank you for their willingness and desire to pray over me and each other. It is amazing and such a powerful experience! Thank you for it! Thank you for breaking me out of my shell, for giving me new boldness and taking away my fears! Thank you for who you are!
Reveal all that you have for me! Speak through me, use me! I want to play my small part in your incredible drama! I want to be free of all guilt and shame and pain. I want to let it all go and let nothing hold me back from the plans you have for me. I want to be completely open to you! Free from all bondage and embracing all truth! Continue to break me down so you can build me up into the woman you desire me to be! I know that you are in control and you will work every single circumstance in my life for something greater-even if I cannot see it now or never really see it in this life. I want to be a light in the darkness. I want the fullness of the power you have for me, the fullness of your presence. Let NOTHING stand in my way! 
Fill me. Give me revelations. Awaken gifts in me! I want to see you work in crazy ways! I want a crazy fire, an inexpressible joy, a freedom in you! And I want to take all of this with me as I return home and return to school. Let me not forget all the things that are of you!
Thank you for the boldness you have given me. Thank you for who you are! I just love you! Thank you for changing me and growing me in you. Continue to transform my life and mold me into who you desire for me to become. You are amazing! I am only who I am because of you and your grace! 
I want to worship you for who you are, not with an agenda. How dare I ask you for me than you have already given? Is your Son not enough? Is eternal life with you not enough? Are you not enough? But you are! You are all that I need. You are my heart's desire! When I pray and ask for the desires of my heart, I receive them because I receive more of YOU!!! I desire to fall more and more in love with you!

I Will Search All Through the Night

This month, we had some amazing nights of worship and 30 hours of prayer. It was pretty incredible.
During one night of spontaneous prayer and worship some pretty awesome things happened. I briefly touched on it in a previous blog, but it's on my heart again. That night was so awesome for me because it started out with such an obvious God thing (talking about wanting to be more comfortable praying out loud and then having the night start) and it was just an incredible experience all around. As it turns out, God gave me MANY opportunities to grow in boldness this month. These opportunities included-praying over my teammates, praying over a man to be healed, praying in a chapel service in front of about 30 kids, praying for dinner, praying in a church service, PREACHING a sermon in a church filled with a pretty good amount of people and a lot more. I am just in awe of God and how He has grown and changed me.
For those that know me, I am not one to step out and volunteer to pray out loud or speak something I've prepared in front of large groups. But I felt that I needed to get over that fear because "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control". So I prayed and asked others to pray for me and my team jumped on it. Take note that God takes prayers seriously and when you ask for something He answers. He put me in some situations that I was not comfortable in, but He gave me a spirit of power.
Power. That word was given to me a lot this month. It seemed odd to me because that is not a word I generally associate with myself. But if I associate myself with Christ, then His power is a part of me! The same power that raised Christ from the dead is living inside me! I need to embrace that power! He has given me a strength I did not even know I had! I want to use that strength for His glory! "Earthly power corrupts, but power from God brings life and salvation" (Justin Warren). God really spoke to me through His word and my teammates. They all had awesome words for me that really helped me see more and more who I am in Christ!
I'm not saying I'm planning on volunteering for mass amounts of public speaking gigs or starting a revival on my campus but I am open to the the things God has for me, whatever they may be. I am actually excited to see what He has planned for me and all the ways I get to be used by Him! What an awesome God we serve! :)

"I will search all through the night,
when I find Him, I will not let Him go
come and awaken love!"
-I Will Search (Rick Pino)

My Swazi Sermon :)

So this month I was asked to preach one Sunday, along with Kristen and Lauren. Kind of an intimidating request, but also an exciting one! I decided to just throw myself into it and let God speak through me. This is roughly what I said for my part (I really wish I had Lauren or Kristen's as well because they brought it and were so filled with the Spirit!):

It's interesting to see how God can use one thing so differently in the lives of individuals. Fire is one example of this. It can be used to protect and encourage new growth in an area; it can destroy and devastate when it rages out of control; and it can be fanned into a consuming flame, devouring everything in it's path. Fire breaks are one illustration of the first use of fire.

Fire breaks are used to protect areas from random, out of control fires. An small area is burned in order to protect a larger area. To people who are unaware of what fire breaks are, they may seem frightening, confusing or out of control. The night we first arrived here in Swaziland, we saw flames lighting up the mountain in the distance. Naturally (for us), we were a little confused and wondered what was going on. The concept of fire breaks was later explained to us. The people in control of the fire breaks see their purpose even when others don't. They carefully plan them out so that they will protect areas from crazy, out of control fires. Now for people who understand fire breaks, those small fires are more of a source of reassurance than fear. What seems out of control and chaotic, has actually been planned out by one who knows what he is doing. In this case, fire is being used to protect from greater tragedies and inspire new growth in an area that had become stagnant.

This can be applied to our own lives. Many times, we go through things that seem crazy and out of control. We experience hardships and wonder what the purpose behind our pain is or where God is in the midst of it all. These times can take shape in many ways-the death of a loved one, being betrayed by a friend, abuse, the end of a relationship, the death of a dream... No matter what form it takes, it hurts. But God uses these times in our lives in ways we do not understand at first, but are actually amazing! Look at Joseph's life! He was abused by his brothers and sold into slavery, forced into hard labor, sent to prison unjustly, and forgotten by his friends. I'm sure there were many times where he wondered at the reason behind his struggles. Yet God used all of these circumstances for His greater plan! Joseph was able to save his family from starvation during a famine and bring the nation of Israel into a place where God would accomplish even more through them (using more "fiery" times)! How amazing is God?!
We WILL experience hardships and pain but they do not have to overwhelm us because we know that God is with us and He has a greater plan! What hardship will we endure that He has not first overcome? His friends died; His disciples denied him and one betrayed Him over to death; He suffered temptations; He was beaten and insulted and abused; He was brutally killed... Yet all of those things brought about our salvation! They accomplished the plans of God!
Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." And James 1:2-4 tells us to "Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." God uses our sufferings and hardships to grow us into the men and women He desires us to be. We just have to endure the flames until the healing begins.

Many times, Christ heals us in the aftermath of destruction. C.S. Lewis said that, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains." That is so true! We grow so much more when we are stripped down to nothing and forced to rely completely on God because everything else has been taken away. Sometimes He has to wound us further in order to truly heal us. He will enable us to serve Him in even greater ways after we have come through the fire. We may be a bit burned and battered, but this is how we are equipped to accomplish our best work through Christ. If we do not experience certain hardships in our lives then we may never be able to fulfill the awesome purpose God has for us! He uses our deepest hurts to awaken a passion in our hearts that He will use to help us truly impact others.
Many times our most intense wounds and secret pains become the source from which we draw our strength. They make our hearts come alive. Maybe you will meet someone who has been through what you have been through and you will be able to help them in a way no one else can. God may use you to council victims of abuse or help someone to find their true passion or discover that Jesus is constant even when everything around them has fallen away. Whatever plan He has for you, it will be amazing if you allow yourself to see that He has a purpose behind the flames of pain in your life!

Lauren then spoke about how sin can consume our lives and a small spark can destroy an entire forest if we are not careful but the saving grace of the gospel can restore what has been burned. Kristen gave an awesome illustration of the Holy Spirit as an all-consuming fire.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

On Fire :)

It has been an intense week! Awesome, but intense! While making firebreaks to stop accidental fires, ironically an out of control fire got started. We were running around trying to put it out-grabbing water, beating flames with flames with branches and blankets...it was CRAZY! Everyone was freaking out but it all turned out okay! Charmain, the head lady here, was so chill about it. She said it's happened before. She is such an amazing woman of God who just completely trusts him with everything. There have been so many tough things for her to handle but she never gets upset, she just takes it all in stride and keeps her focus on Jesus and the kids. It is so inspiring to see her and just really reminds me that God is completely sovereign, so obviously worrying or freaking out is just pointless. He's got it under control!
I also got sort of sick for about a day, but it wasn't too bad. Everyone was sweet and willing to help. I seriously love these people! I have had some awesome talks with them and God has already used them SO much in my life and I've gotten to help them out as well! I got to feel like God was really speaking through me when I was having a conversation with Kristen. I was just saying things that came to my mind from passages of scripture I'd been reading and it ended up being exactly what she needed to hear! How awesome is God?! Everyone is always speaking encouragement to each other and pointing out the things others are doing well. There is so much love and acceptance! And they're all insanely fun as well :) It's so different here, I love it!
Lauren has also been such a blessing! We are so similar in so many ways and have had ridiculously similar experiences. It has been awesome to talk with her and learn from her. She is such a woman of God who just does what He tells her and knows what she believes. I am so thankful God put her on my team; it was definitely no accident! :)
Another really cool thing has been Justin & Tiffany, the married couple here. They are just amazing and it has been so cool to see a Godly marriage being loved out between people near my age (26 & 27). Justin is always serving Tiffany whenever she needs anything and she is such a hard worker who is always looking out for him. It's been awesome to watch a Godly couple, and I do definitely love couples :)

I'm learning to really expect things from God and believe He's going to come through for me. I even get disappointed if it doesn't happen, but I'm not upset or angry at God obviously because He is still God and He's already done WAY more for me than I deserve. I'm just learning a huge part of having actual faith-being SURE of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Obviously that is in reference to the Gospel itself but I believe it can be applied to other things as well. I used to think that faith was just having no real expectations and just going with whatever happened. I do think that you need to accept God's will, whatever it is, but that does not mean that I can't ask God for things, hope for them, and believe that He is going to answer my prayers. Because He has answered them! Time and time again! Whenever Jesus healed people He told them that they were healed because of their faith. If they had come at it with the mindset of "oh well, if He heals me that's great, if not that's cool too" then would they really have had faith? Instead they completely believed that He was able to heal them at that moment and that He would! I want that mindset, that faith.
I really want to continue to learn more and more from everyone here, from God and His word, from this ministry, from these kids...just this whole experience! God is showing me SO much! It's awesome! I'm not ready for it to be over but I'm excited to get to take back all that I've learned.

Prayer requests: Lauren, Kristen and I are preaching Sunday! The kids here and their faith, Charmain and all the things she's going through, my team and the other team here as they head to Mozambique next month, the World Race as a whole, safe travel, and we're going to be having 30 hours of prayer and fasting from Saturday at 9pm until Sunday at 3am! :) Love you all! Thanks for your prayers!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Awesome God!

These past 2 weeks have been awesome! We've been playing with babies, hanging out with kids, searching through garbage pits, raking leaves, organizing/cleaning a gross garage, cutting down trees and tons of other stuff! At night we worship, have bonfires, have team time and hangout. It's pretty cold here but you warm up during the day when you're working. We have beds, hot showers (sometimes), a kitchen and electricity!
The kids are adorable! They love to play and go on walks. They are all so full of joy! They have clothes, beds, food to eat and they get to go to school! There are huge pigs, geese, pigeons (nasty birds), cows, goats and dogs here as well. The view is always incredible, the sunsets are insane and the people are so sweet!
I love team time! We give people feedback which is basically praising them for things they do and encouraging them on things they can work on. It's a really awesome thing because it's all spoken in love and from a place of really wanting each other to grow in Christ!

It is so nice to be able to sit and talk to Jesus while looking at His amazing creation! I've learned so much through spending time with Him and in His word and talking to the people around me. I want the joy and freedom and contentment they have in Him! I've read through Paul's letters in the New Testament and decided that Paul is my favorite person! I just love his heart and mind for Christ!
I love praying over people and being prayed over! It is such a cool experience when you really embrace it! I'm so grateful for these experiences and this opportunity and how I get to break out of my shell! I was telling two of the girls how I hate praying out loud but want to get over that and then another girl walks in and suggests we pray for some of the people who are sick and then the whole thing turned into an awesome night of prayer and worship! God is so good!
That night was awesome! I loved getting excited about Jesus and worshiping Him and feeling Him move in that room! Through it God just freed me of so much pain/hurt/confusion, things I'd been holding onto while trying to get over at the same time. Once I just gave it to God and immersed myself in Him and His word He freed me from it! I am so happy and I feel like myself again! He gave me an indescribable joy and feeling of peace! I am so grateful! God is so good!
I'll write more next week but my time's up now. I just can't wait to get home and pour into others the way I've been poured into. To share what God's been teaching me. It's such an amazing experience and I am so blessed to have been given this opportunity! Thank you so much for all your prayers, support and love! You have no idea how much it means to me! God bless! :)

Travel and Team!

After 24 hours of traveling we finally made it to JoBurg! The flights weren't bacd, lots of sleeping and movies. I got to see Mr. & Mrs. Gestring and lots of the university students I met last year in the airport! It was awesome! :)
2 World Racers came to get us in the airport and we drove to the hostel we were staying at for the night. It was freezing! The next morning I met some awesome people and finally got to meet my contact, Birdy. All the racers are so legit! We had some great conversations and I loved hearing about all their experiences!
Saying goodbye to everyone from training camp was so sad and weird! We already felt like a team! Lauren, Kristen and I left with our two teams. There were 16 of us, plus 2 drivers and 2 other passengers. One guy had to stand up our whole drive, which was over 5 hours. Our tire blew out about 2/3 of the way there but it got fixed quickly. We finally got to the Swazi border and then to El Shaddai around midnight.
My team is: Justin (our leader; an awesome and wise man of God with such a heart for the team and for God). Steve (hilarious, really talented musician, and great with people), Misty (such a hard worker, full of love), Birdy (has an amazing testimony and such a heart to serve), Chelsea (so joyful, hilarious and a real heart for Christ), Kasey (sweet, caring and wise), and Bri (such a joy and encouragement, Christ is so evident in her and her servant's heart). Lauren is the other girl on my team from training camp. She has such a heart for missions and has the gift of wisdom and prophecy. I love her!
The other team is: Rachel (the leader; fun, wise, strong in her faith), Mark (strong man of God with an amazing story), Kim (passionate servant), Katy (photographer, artsy, sweet, joyful, beautiful heart) and a married couple Justin (hilarious, hard working servant of Christ) & Tiffany (sweet, caring, hard working servant). Kristen is on their team-she's hilarious and I love her!
There are so many musical people on my team (which if you know me you know I  LOVE). Someone is always playing guitar or mandolin or singing! These people are incredible and I'm so blessed to spend the next month with them!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Quick Blog for Swaziland!

So I have a whole actual blog written but I'm using a computer in an internet cafe and my flash drive doesn't work so I'll just have to do a short one!
First off, Swaziland is beautiful! We are on a mountain and The view is seriously insane! :) Our days mainly consist of working from 9-3 (cleaning a camper, digging holes, making fire breaks-to keep the orphanage from burning down if there's a real fire, raking leaves, playing with the babies...) and then helping the older kids with their homework from 3-5, doing chapel with the kids and then dinner and time with our teams. My team is so legit! I'll write more about them next week.
The kids are so adorable and fun and smart! Most of the older kids know at least 3 languages (English, SiSwati, Zulu...). They love to learn and talk with us. I've met a 9 year old girl named Gift who is hilarious and so fun! We hang out everyday, I love her! :) She'll get her own blog as well.
God is really doing some awesome stuff in me. It's so great to get to sit on a rock and look out at His amazing creation and just talk to Him. I've read through Acts and 1 & 2 Corinthians so far and I've decided Paul is one of my favorite people ever! I've just been seeing things that I never really thought about, it's been awesome!
I've also done a prophecy exercise with my team. Before this I was kind of wary of prophecy and all that, but as I've been reading the Bible and talking with my team, I've realized it's really Biblical. It was AWESOME to see God speak to people and just give them the perfect words for others. I'm out of time now so I'll have to talk more about all this later but basically, God is rocking my world and I love it! :)
Thanks for all the prayers! Love you all! :)