Wow. I cannot believe it's all over. I flew out of JoBurg Saturday, into Amsterdam Sunday and picked up a nose ring on the way out :) , then into Atlanta that night and drove home to South Carolina Monday. Everything has gone by way too fast! I really cannot believe it's over. I can't believe I won't be with my team every day anymore. I can't believe they're driving to Mozambique. I can't believe I have said goodbye to everyone. I can't believe I'm back home in my room while they're off continuing to travel the world (and Arkansas in Lauren's case). It all seems so surreal!
I'm still processing so much and I feel like I have so much more to learn! I was not ready to leave! But even though I was not ready, that did not change the fact that my time was done. I don't want to be done!
But I am and I can't try to hold on to the past. I need to embrace all the opportunities and awesome things I have to look forward to now. I have learned so much and grown so much in who I am in Christ and all the amazing things He has for me. I've gained incredible friends, people I will never forget! They have shaped me and helped me become who I am. I love who I have become! I love what God has shown me! I am so incredibly grateful for the experience I was blessed with! I love Jesus, He is seriously beyond amazing! :)
There is so much to think about! I didn't want to say goodbye! I've spent every single day for the past month with these people and now they're out of my life for a pretty extended period of time. They will constantly be in my thoughts and prayers, but it will be hard not having them pour into me every day. Not being around Birdy's wisdom and sweet heart, Chelsea's craziness and Godly wisdom, Bri's joy and love and incredible personality, Misty's loving personality and servant's heart, Kasey's wisdom and joy and fun spirit, Steve's hilariousness and worshipful heart, Justin's leadership and Godly heart and encouraging wisdom, Lauren's incredible love and joy and sweet heart and Godly wisdom, and Kristen's craziness and joy and love! Not to mention the other team I was with! I just don't know what I'm going to do without these people! I'll miss their music in my life (including actual music!) but I am so thankful for the time I had with them! And I hope and pray that I'll see a lot more of them in the future as well!
But I cling to the promise that Jesus is forever constant in my life. He puts people in my life to come and go and to mold me into who I am meant to be, but He stays with me forever! That is an extremely comforting fact in light of all this change! I love my Jesus! :) My God is so good, so string and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! Isn't it great how children's songs usually express things so simply and so well? :)
I just cannot even express how I feel or all that God has done in my life! I'm terrible at summarizing! :) This means that there will most likely be a lot more blogs in the near future consisting of me attempting to figure out things that God is doing in my life, so feel free to read them or just let me work out my crazy beautiful life on my own :)
Again, I cannot thank everyone enough for supporting me, praying for me, loving me and encouraging me!
Prayer Requests:
-Continued growth for me! I want to apply all that I've learned to my life and not forget any of it now that I'm home
-My team is traveling to Mozambique at the moment (as far as I know at least, internet is a bit lacking where they are), which means 2-5 days on a bus and lots of border crossing so pray for safe, smooth travel and safety in Mozambique as well. They'll be in a pretty dangerous area! If you want to follow their blogs, and they are pretty amazing people so I'd consider it, here they are: http://mistyanderson.theworldrace.org/ http://briannaarnold.theworldrace.org/ http://stevenchun.theworldrace.org/ http://kaseybrinson.theworldrace.org/ http://berdienephraim.theworldrace.org/ http://justinwarren.theworldrace.org/ http://chelseabrunts.theworldrace.org/
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
-Hebrews 13:8
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
A Prayer From My Time in Swaziland
God you are so awesome! I am so sorry for not recognizing that more and acting accordingly! You have done so much for me! Thank you for always being there for me! For being faithful when I am faithless! Thank you for your word so we can learn who you are and how we should live! Consume me with a desire for you! A hunger for your word! There is SO much to learn and I WANT to learn it! I want to grow in my knowledge of you! I want to become more like you!
God I want your fullness, your presence! I selfishly want you to do something crazy awesome through me or in me!
Thank you for these people God! Thank you for their willingness and desire to pray over me and each other. It is amazing and such a powerful experience! Thank you for it! Thank you for breaking me out of my shell, for giving me new boldness and taking away my fears! Thank you for who you are!
Reveal all that you have for me! Speak through me, use me! I want to play my small part in your incredible drama! I want to be free of all guilt and shame and pain. I want to let it all go and let nothing hold me back from the plans you have for me. I want to be completely open to you! Free from all bondage and embracing all truth! Continue to break me down so you can build me up into the woman you desire me to be! I know that you are in control and you will work every single circumstance in my life for something greater-even if I cannot see it now or never really see it in this life. I want to be a light in the darkness. I want the fullness of the power you have for me, the fullness of your presence. Let NOTHING stand in my way!
Fill me. Give me revelations. Awaken gifts in me! I want to see you work in crazy ways! I want a crazy fire, an inexpressible joy, a freedom in you! And I want to take all of this with me as I return home and return to school. Let me not forget all the things that are of you!
Thank you for the boldness you have given me. Thank you for who you are! I just love you! Thank you for changing me and growing me in you. Continue to transform my life and mold me into who you desire for me to become. You are amazing! I am only who I am because of you and your grace!
I want to worship you for who you are, not with an agenda. How dare I ask you for me than you have already given? Is your Son not enough? Is eternal life with you not enough? Are you not enough? But you are! You are all that I need. You are my heart's desire! When I pray and ask for the desires of my heart, I receive them because I receive more of YOU!!! I desire to fall more and more in love with you!
God I want your fullness, your presence! I selfishly want you to do something crazy awesome through me or in me!
Thank you for these people God! Thank you for their willingness and desire to pray over me and each other. It is amazing and such a powerful experience! Thank you for it! Thank you for breaking me out of my shell, for giving me new boldness and taking away my fears! Thank you for who you are!
Reveal all that you have for me! Speak through me, use me! I want to play my small part in your incredible drama! I want to be free of all guilt and shame and pain. I want to let it all go and let nothing hold me back from the plans you have for me. I want to be completely open to you! Free from all bondage and embracing all truth! Continue to break me down so you can build me up into the woman you desire me to be! I know that you are in control and you will work every single circumstance in my life for something greater-even if I cannot see it now or never really see it in this life. I want to be a light in the darkness. I want the fullness of the power you have for me, the fullness of your presence. Let NOTHING stand in my way!
Fill me. Give me revelations. Awaken gifts in me! I want to see you work in crazy ways! I want a crazy fire, an inexpressible joy, a freedom in you! And I want to take all of this with me as I return home and return to school. Let me not forget all the things that are of you!
Thank you for the boldness you have given me. Thank you for who you are! I just love you! Thank you for changing me and growing me in you. Continue to transform my life and mold me into who you desire for me to become. You are amazing! I am only who I am because of you and your grace!
I want to worship you for who you are, not with an agenda. How dare I ask you for me than you have already given? Is your Son not enough? Is eternal life with you not enough? Are you not enough? But you are! You are all that I need. You are my heart's desire! When I pray and ask for the desires of my heart, I receive them because I receive more of YOU!!! I desire to fall more and more in love with you!
I Will Search All Through the Night
This month, we had some amazing nights of worship and 30 hours of prayer. It was pretty incredible.
During one night of spontaneous prayer and worship some pretty awesome things happened. I briefly touched on it in a previous blog, but it's on my heart again. That night was so awesome for me because it started out with such an obvious God thing (talking about wanting to be more comfortable praying out loud and then having the night start) and it was just an incredible experience all around. As it turns out, God gave me MANY opportunities to grow in boldness this month. These opportunities included-praying over my teammates, praying over a man to be healed, praying in a chapel service in front of about 30 kids, praying for dinner, praying in a church service, PREACHING a sermon in a church filled with a pretty good amount of people and a lot more. I am just in awe of God and how He has grown and changed me.
For those that know me, I am not one to step out and volunteer to pray out loud or speak something I've prepared in front of large groups. But I felt that I needed to get over that fear because "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control". So I prayed and asked others to pray for me and my team jumped on it. Take note that God takes prayers seriously and when you ask for something He answers. He put me in some situations that I was not comfortable in, but He gave me a spirit of power.
Power. That word was given to me a lot this month. It seemed odd to me because that is not a word I generally associate with myself. But if I associate myself with Christ, then His power is a part of me! The same power that raised Christ from the dead is living inside me! I need to embrace that power! He has given me a strength I did not even know I had! I want to use that strength for His glory! "Earthly power corrupts, but power from God brings life and salvation" (Justin Warren). God really spoke to me through His word and my teammates. They all had awesome words for me that really helped me see more and more who I am in Christ!
I'm not saying I'm planning on volunteering for mass amounts of public speaking gigs or starting a revival on my campus but I am open to the the things God has for me, whatever they may be. I am actually excited to see what He has planned for me and all the ways I get to be used by Him! What an awesome God we serve! :)
"I will search all through the night,
when I find Him, I will not let Him go
come and awaken love!"
-I Will Search (Rick Pino)
During one night of spontaneous prayer and worship some pretty awesome things happened. I briefly touched on it in a previous blog, but it's on my heart again. That night was so awesome for me because it started out with such an obvious God thing (talking about wanting to be more comfortable praying out loud and then having the night start) and it was just an incredible experience all around. As it turns out, God gave me MANY opportunities to grow in boldness this month. These opportunities included-praying over my teammates, praying over a man to be healed, praying in a chapel service in front of about 30 kids, praying for dinner, praying in a church service, PREACHING a sermon in a church filled with a pretty good amount of people and a lot more. I am just in awe of God and how He has grown and changed me.
For those that know me, I am not one to step out and volunteer to pray out loud or speak something I've prepared in front of large groups. But I felt that I needed to get over that fear because "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control". So I prayed and asked others to pray for me and my team jumped on it. Take note that God takes prayers seriously and when you ask for something He answers. He put me in some situations that I was not comfortable in, but He gave me a spirit of power.
Power. That word was given to me a lot this month. It seemed odd to me because that is not a word I generally associate with myself. But if I associate myself with Christ, then His power is a part of me! The same power that raised Christ from the dead is living inside me! I need to embrace that power! He has given me a strength I did not even know I had! I want to use that strength for His glory! "Earthly power corrupts, but power from God brings life and salvation" (Justin Warren). God really spoke to me through His word and my teammates. They all had awesome words for me that really helped me see more and more who I am in Christ!
I'm not saying I'm planning on volunteering for mass amounts of public speaking gigs or starting a revival on my campus but I am open to the the things God has for me, whatever they may be. I am actually excited to see what He has planned for me and all the ways I get to be used by Him! What an awesome God we serve! :)
"I will search all through the night,
when I find Him, I will not let Him go
come and awaken love!"
-I Will Search (Rick Pino)
My Swazi Sermon :)
So this month I was asked to preach one Sunday, along with Kristen and Lauren. Kind of an intimidating request, but also an exciting one! I decided to just throw myself into it and let God speak through me. This is roughly what I said for my part (I really wish I had Lauren or Kristen's as well because they brought it and were so filled with the Spirit!):
It's interesting to see how God can use one thing so differently in the lives of individuals. Fire is one example of this. It can be used to protect and encourage new growth in an area; it can destroy and devastate when it rages out of control; and it can be fanned into a consuming flame, devouring everything in it's path. Fire breaks are one illustration of the first use of fire.
Fire breaks are used to protect areas from random, out of control fires. An small area is burned in order to protect a larger area. To people who are unaware of what fire breaks are, they may seem frightening, confusing or out of control. The night we first arrived here in Swaziland, we saw flames lighting up the mountain in the distance. Naturally (for us), we were a little confused and wondered what was going on. The concept of fire breaks was later explained to us. The people in control of the fire breaks see their purpose even when others don't. They carefully plan them out so that they will protect areas from crazy, out of control fires. Now for people who understand fire breaks, those small fires are more of a source of reassurance than fear. What seems out of control and chaotic, has actually been planned out by one who knows what he is doing. In this case, fire is being used to protect from greater tragedies and inspire new growth in an area that had become stagnant.
This can be applied to our own lives. Many times, we go through things that seem crazy and out of control. We experience hardships and wonder what the purpose behind our pain is or where God is in the midst of it all. These times can take shape in many ways-the death of a loved one, being betrayed by a friend, abuse, the end of a relationship, the death of a dream... No matter what form it takes, it hurts. But God uses these times in our lives in ways we do not understand at first, but are actually amazing! Look at Joseph's life! He was abused by his brothers and sold into slavery, forced into hard labor, sent to prison unjustly, and forgotten by his friends. I'm sure there were many times where he wondered at the reason behind his struggles. Yet God used all of these circumstances for His greater plan! Joseph was able to save his family from starvation during a famine and bring the nation of Israel into a place where God would accomplish even more through them (using more "fiery" times)! How amazing is God?!
We WILL experience hardships and pain but they do not have to overwhelm us because we know that God is with us and He has a greater plan! What hardship will we endure that He has not first overcome? His friends died; His disciples denied him and one betrayed Him over to death; He suffered temptations; He was beaten and insulted and abused; He was brutally killed... Yet all of those things brought about our salvation! They accomplished the plans of God!
Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." And James 1:2-4 tells us to "Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." God uses our sufferings and hardships to grow us into the men and women He desires us to be. We just have to endure the flames until the healing begins.
Many times, Christ heals us in the aftermath of destruction. C.S. Lewis said that, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains." That is so true! We grow so much more when we are stripped down to nothing and forced to rely completely on God because everything else has been taken away. Sometimes He has to wound us further in order to truly heal us. He will enable us to serve Him in even greater ways after we have come through the fire. We may be a bit burned and battered, but this is how we are equipped to accomplish our best work through Christ. If we do not experience certain hardships in our lives then we may never be able to fulfill the awesome purpose God has for us! He uses our deepest hurts to awaken a passion in our hearts that He will use to help us truly impact others.
Many times our most intense wounds and secret pains become the source from which we draw our strength. They make our hearts come alive. Maybe you will meet someone who has been through what you have been through and you will be able to help them in a way no one else can. God may use you to council victims of abuse or help someone to find their true passion or discover that Jesus is constant even when everything around them has fallen away. Whatever plan He has for you, it will be amazing if you allow yourself to see that He has a purpose behind the flames of pain in your life!
Lauren then spoke about how sin can consume our lives and a small spark can destroy an entire forest if we are not careful but the saving grace of the gospel can restore what has been burned. Kristen gave an awesome illustration of the Holy Spirit as an all-consuming fire.
It's interesting to see how God can use one thing so differently in the lives of individuals. Fire is one example of this. It can be used to protect and encourage new growth in an area; it can destroy and devastate when it rages out of control; and it can be fanned into a consuming flame, devouring everything in it's path. Fire breaks are one illustration of the first use of fire.
Fire breaks are used to protect areas from random, out of control fires. An small area is burned in order to protect a larger area. To people who are unaware of what fire breaks are, they may seem frightening, confusing or out of control. The night we first arrived here in Swaziland, we saw flames lighting up the mountain in the distance. Naturally (for us), we were a little confused and wondered what was going on. The concept of fire breaks was later explained to us. The people in control of the fire breaks see their purpose even when others don't. They carefully plan them out so that they will protect areas from crazy, out of control fires. Now for people who understand fire breaks, those small fires are more of a source of reassurance than fear. What seems out of control and chaotic, has actually been planned out by one who knows what he is doing. In this case, fire is being used to protect from greater tragedies and inspire new growth in an area that had become stagnant.
This can be applied to our own lives. Many times, we go through things that seem crazy and out of control. We experience hardships and wonder what the purpose behind our pain is or where God is in the midst of it all. These times can take shape in many ways-the death of a loved one, being betrayed by a friend, abuse, the end of a relationship, the death of a dream... No matter what form it takes, it hurts. But God uses these times in our lives in ways we do not understand at first, but are actually amazing! Look at Joseph's life! He was abused by his brothers and sold into slavery, forced into hard labor, sent to prison unjustly, and forgotten by his friends. I'm sure there were many times where he wondered at the reason behind his struggles. Yet God used all of these circumstances for His greater plan! Joseph was able to save his family from starvation during a famine and bring the nation of Israel into a place where God would accomplish even more through them (using more "fiery" times)! How amazing is God?!
We WILL experience hardships and pain but they do not have to overwhelm us because we know that God is with us and He has a greater plan! What hardship will we endure that He has not first overcome? His friends died; His disciples denied him and one betrayed Him over to death; He suffered temptations; He was beaten and insulted and abused; He was brutally killed... Yet all of those things brought about our salvation! They accomplished the plans of God!
Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." And James 1:2-4 tells us to "Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." God uses our sufferings and hardships to grow us into the men and women He desires us to be. We just have to endure the flames until the healing begins.
Many times, Christ heals us in the aftermath of destruction. C.S. Lewis said that, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains." That is so true! We grow so much more when we are stripped down to nothing and forced to rely completely on God because everything else has been taken away. Sometimes He has to wound us further in order to truly heal us. He will enable us to serve Him in even greater ways after we have come through the fire. We may be a bit burned and battered, but this is how we are equipped to accomplish our best work through Christ. If we do not experience certain hardships in our lives then we may never be able to fulfill the awesome purpose God has for us! He uses our deepest hurts to awaken a passion in our hearts that He will use to help us truly impact others.
Many times our most intense wounds and secret pains become the source from which we draw our strength. They make our hearts come alive. Maybe you will meet someone who has been through what you have been through and you will be able to help them in a way no one else can. God may use you to council victims of abuse or help someone to find their true passion or discover that Jesus is constant even when everything around them has fallen away. Whatever plan He has for you, it will be amazing if you allow yourself to see that He has a purpose behind the flames of pain in your life!
Lauren then spoke about how sin can consume our lives and a small spark can destroy an entire forest if we are not careful but the saving grace of the gospel can restore what has been burned. Kristen gave an awesome illustration of the Holy Spirit as an all-consuming fire.
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