Break My Heart With What Breaks Yours

I just love how God completely does things in His own timing regardless of our expectations. I was able to attend two amazing Christian conference over Christmas break (Encounter and Passion) and while they were amazing I was not as affected as I had hoped I would be. I wanted to be broken and changed. I wanted to be truly affected by everything I saw, but I wasn't. Not emotionally anyway.
A big focus of Encounter was missions, something that usually makes me basically explode with emotions and desires. I usually want to just leave college and go live in a hut in Africa whenever I hear a challenge to do missions. But that didn't happen this year. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to go but it didn't affect me on an emotional level. Passion was really centered on ending human trafficking. In the past that has been something I have really had a heart for, but for some reason even with all the stories and videos I just couldn't feel it. I know that our lives should not be based on our emotions, but I'm still someone who wants my heart to break with what breaks the heart of Christ, to feel what others feel. So it was really bothering me that I wasn't being affected. I tried worshipping, praying, sharing...every thing I could think of, but nothing seemed to help. The only time I felt any sort of real emotion was when I was able to give out boxes of love in Greensboro and when I got the chance to have a short conversation with a sweet, older women in downtown Atlanta. We only talked for a minute or two and we didn't get into any deep, spiritual conversations but I just felt an unexplainable joy in that moment. At Encounter, we participate in a "day of faith" where we were able to go out into the community and give needy families a box of food and talk with them.

There was one woman in particular who stuck out to me. Her name was Janette and the only reason I got to meet her was because God has a beautiful, perfect plan. My group finished handing out our boxes early so we went back to check in. Then we were asked if we wanted to help hand out the extra boxes left over. We agreed and ended up talking to a few other people before two people in my group saw Janette outside of her house cleaning off her rugs, we almost missed her because we had knocked on another door but no one ever answered. Janette is 50 years old and had moved into the neighborhood about a year and a half ago. She told us about how her life had gobe downhill since she had moved there. She had gotten into the wrong crowd and started using drugs and her son was in prison. She told us she had been in jail 4 times and was considering checking into rehab because she was trying to turn her life around but she kept getting pulled back in with all of her old influences.
Interestingly enough, the women we had spoken with before Janette claimed to be a Christian and seemed like she truly did love the Lord. She told us she mostly kept to herself and went to church. While explaining to us how Jesus was a part of her life she said "when you feel the Spirit you move! Wherever you are you move!" I thought this was so awesome, but I just wish she would "move" right next door and
 help Janette. She could bring her to church and really be a wonderful, Godly influence on her. It makes me wonder how often we unknowingly ignore those around us. The very ones who need Christ the most! How often we fill our time with Christian activities and Christian friends while neglecting to serve and pour into those around us. I know that I am extremely guilty of this. So often I focus on my own needs and make myself "feel good" through the Christian groups and Bible studies I am a part of when I should be taking all that I have been blessed with and pouring myself out for others.
I am so blessed by God and I need to be smacked in the face with that knowledge more often. I don't want to live apathetically or try to do it on my own. I want to be fully relying on God, living completely for Him every single day! I just pray for more reminders of that and the ability to truly live it out.

God Is All I've Ever Wanted and More!

He loves me unconditionally
He knows me deeply, intimately and completely
He wants to be with me
He understands and accepts me, I can always be real with Him
He desires and pursues and treasures me
He will always be there for me, He'll never leave
He can comfort me like no one else
He loves me even when I mess up
He loves me more than I could ever love Him, even though He is so much more worthy
He can give me true peace
He is my refuge and my rock, my protector
He will never cause me stress or worry
He is one is who's love I can be completely secure
He thinks I'm beautiful and special
He shows me how much He loves me everyday, with sunsets and flowers and answered prayers
He gave up everything for me
He wants me to truly know Him as deeply as I can
He can completely satisfy me and give me all I need
He will never disappoint me
He delights in me when I serve Him
He wants me all to Himself
He has no comparison
He saved me!
He offers me true joy, peace, acceptance and love
He is constant and never-changing
He fights for me
He knows what I need before I even ask
He wants to talk to me all the time
He doesn't need me to complete Him, but He wants me
He will never be surprised by something I have done or will do
He will never betray or reject me, I can trust Him completely
He wants me to be obsessed with Him
He is always up for an adventure
He took the initiative with me
He will make me happier than anyone or anything else
He loves His creation like I do, He made my favorite flower and created my favorite color
He paints me a sunrise and sunset every day and delights in beauty with me
He is heart broken for the things that break my heart, like injustice and poverty and those who do not know Him
He has the ultimate heart for missions and the outcasts
He challenges me and makes me think
He wants to spend everyday with me for the rest of eternity
He will never make me wonder how He feels
He will make me want more of Him
He is strong, secure, satisfying, protective, loving, righteous, patient, good and perfect!