I just love how God completely does things in His own timing regardless of our expectations. I was able to attend two amazing Christian conference over Christmas break (Encounter and Passion) and while they were amazing I was not as affected as I had hoped I would be. I wanted to be broken and changed. I wanted to be truly affected by everything I saw, but I wasn't. Not emotionally anyway.
A big focus of Encounter was missions, something that usually makes me basically explode with emotions and desires. I usually want to just leave college and go live in a hut in Africa whenever I hear a challenge to do missions. But that didn't happen this year. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to go but it didn't affect me on an emotional level. Passion was really centered on ending human trafficking. In the past that has been something I have really had a heart for, but for some reason even with all the stories and videos I just couldn't feel it. I know that our lives should not be based on our emotions, but I'm still someone who wants my heart to break with what breaks the heart of Christ, to feel what others feel. So it was really bothering me that I wasn't being affected. I tried worshipping, praying, sharing...every thing I could think of, but nothing seemed to help. The only time I felt any sort of real emotion was when I was able to give out boxes of love in Greensboro and when I got the chance to have a short conversation with a sweet, older women in downtown Atlanta. We only talked for a minute or two and we didn't get into any deep, spiritual conversations but I just felt an unexplainable joy in that moment. At Encounter, we participate in a "day of faith" where we were able to go out into the community and give needy families a box of food and talk with them.
There was one woman in particular who stuck out to me. Her name was Janette and the only reason I got to meet her was because God has a beautiful, perfect plan. My group finished handing out our boxes early so we went back to check in. Then we were asked if we wanted to help hand out the extra boxes left over. We agreed and ended up talking to a few other people before two people in my group saw Janette outside of her house cleaning off her rugs, we almost missed her because we had knocked on another door but no one ever answered. Janette is 50 years old and had moved into the neighborhood about a year and a half ago. She told us about how her life had gobe downhill since she had moved there. She had gotten into the wrong crowd and started using drugs and her son was in prison. She told us she had been in jail 4 times and was considering checking into rehab because she was trying to turn her life around but she kept getting pulled back in with all of her old influences.
Interestingly enough, the women we had spoken with before Janette claimed to be a Christian and seemed like she truly did love the Lord. She told us she mostly kept to herself and went to church. While explaining to us how Jesus was a part of her life she said "when you feel the Spirit you move! Wherever you are you move!" I thought this was so awesome, but I just wish she would "move" right next door and
help Janette. She could bring her to church and really be a wonderful, Godly influence on her. It makes me wonder how often we unknowingly ignore those around us. The very ones who need Christ the most! How often we fill our time with Christian activities and Christian friends while neglecting to serve and pour into those around us. I know that I am extremely guilty of this. So often I focus on my own needs and make myself "feel good" through the Christian groups and Bible studies I am a part of when I should be taking all that I have been blessed with and pouring myself out for others.
I am so blessed by God and I need to be smacked in the face with that knowledge more often. I don't want to live apathetically or try to do it on my own. I want to be fully relying on God, living completely for Him every single day! I just pray for more reminders of that and the ability to truly live it out.
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